Dear Refugees Moving to Saskatoon,

BY: KARI OLFERT, THINKSASKATOON

With so much talk about whether or not we should be welcoming you, lets look instead at whether or not you really want to move to Saskatoon. 🙂 I would like to discuss this with you personally.

First things first, lets drop the title refugee and call you People who do not feel safe in your own country and want to start a new life somewhere where they feel they have a brighter future. Can I call you that? Or as the trend of today goes, human. Hence forth, you are a ‘human’. Much like my ancestors before me but unlike the dinosaurs before them.

There are some things you should know before moving to Saskatoon: Hype vs Fact(ish)

winter in SaskatoonWinter lasts for 237 days out of our 364 days every year.

If someone tells you otherwise, they are a deluded optimist and should be avoided at all cost. Only listen to the people with blue lips nodding their heads. We’re like the North Pole without Santa Claus and we’re not as fat as people in the United States so we can’t even pretend we’re Santa. Although during our Santa parade this year we did have a man attack a police cruiser and was later found to have come off a methadone program. Do not be afraid, this is news in our little city.

Fact: If you like winter wonderlands you are going to be very happy living here.

SaskatoonCliquey.

We have had our friends since high school and know everything about anyone ever born here. If you want to fit in just add 7 people from Saskatoon on Facebook and you will be in with 2 degrees of separation from every single person living here.

Fact: Smile and you will make friends.

HIVHIV.

Apparently, per capita over 50% of our province have HIV but that’s okay because HIV is different Now. I know this because the new campaign pumped out by our Saskatchewan Government told me this. So don’t worry and like Charlie Sheen says, HIV isn’t even detectable. Listen to Charlie Sheen.

 

Fact: HIV is limited and concentrated in our Saskatchewan reserves, most of which you will never step foot on.

crime saskatoon

Saskatoon is a leader…in crime rates.

At least we are leading in something other than HIV, phew. Load taken off.

 

 

Fact: We have small city crime, having lived in larger cities and hearing of a daily murder (thanks for the eye-opening experience Winnipeg) I can tell you firsthand that minor crimes ALL get reported here and I’m pretty sure that is what boosts our numbers.

 baby boom saskatoonCity of the Baby Boom.

If you are a mother with children you will be happy to know that Saskatoon is in the middle of a baby boom. Every 500 meters you will either see a mother or a child, but generally they travel in pairs or trios. We love babies.

 

 

Fact: We be poping them out. Everyone I know has an average of 3.74 children. My siblings family average alone is 5. Nevermind 2 degrees of separation, I probably share a gene with every third person you meet.

is free healthcare killing usFree Healthcare and School System.

A beautiful thing, just look at the stats listed above.

Fact: Our healthcare is pretty decent considering that basic coverage and the baby boom has cost us exactly 0$. Depending on which school you choose for your children, they can range from completely sponsored to a few extra out-of-pocket monies for field trips. The choice is yours.

 I chose to live in Saskatoon and moved back so I can tell you that Saskatoon is a good city to raise a family, live a nice little suburbia life and adopt a great sense of humour, you’re going to need it! Cheers and welcome!