Saskatoon Halloween Drama 2015

BY: KARI OLFERT, THINKSASKATOON

When you think of Halloween, you think of cute little kids coming to your door in costumes, collecting candy as their parents yell from the sidewalk, “say thank you!” with their hands in their pockets, because Halloween in Saskatoon is cold!

saskatoon urban mythThe Saskatoon Halloween Drama of 2015 stems from the fact that Halloween is on a Saturday (and also there is no snow on the ground this year)! This is either a miracle that we have never witnessed or one of those confusing but deceivingly simple puzzles that a 10 year old would pick up and finish in 2 seconds, which isn’t right how did they do that? Why is Saturday such a ‘thing’ when it comes to trick or treating? BECAUSE, at the great debate goes, “what time is the best time to go trick or treating?!” As you and I know Saskatoon is a small city, that gets confused or scared by crime and then says, “Bad things are happening, we’re a big city!” We’re small, everything about us is small, even the Halloween/time debate. Tiny.

The word on the Saskatoon streets (or Facebook land, masquerading as news) is, “my kids are little, we want to go early” with the backlash of, “Some of us work! I’m not answering my door if kids come early! Don’t come before 5:00pm!” There are clearly two very logical sides for both arguments. I am actually not even going to address the time continuum (beerbecause the right time is 4:00pm).

Let’s pretend that Halloween is National Adult Beer Drinking Day (NABDD for short). First things first, I took the day off work! All errands will have to get done another day, because NABDD! If Bob feels like having a beer at 11:00am because it’s NABDD, then Bob is going to come over and be the first one to celebrate NABDD with you! If you happen to work, you wouldn’t tell Bob that he can’t drink until you get home, you’d be like Bob I’ll text you on my way home, COME OVER IMMEDIATELY FOR A BEER BECAUSE NABDD! Now, let’s flip back to Halloween and apply the same logic, imagine how pumped little Drew is about getting FREE CANDY from every door she knocks on and how little Avery has waited ALL YEAR FOR FREE CANDY DAY! It’s not about us grouchy, tired adults, it is about having fun, getting candy and scoring the largest bag of loot ever! These mini us’s do not have jobs, this is their opportunity to conquer the world!

If you’re home, give the kid some damn candy or zombies will eat your brains. If you’re not, put some candy in a bowl and if it’s empty before 4:00pm (let’s say) then let it be empty.

Happy Halloween Saskatonians!!!! 👻🎃😱🍻